The Lord has put this on my heart to share.
This last year and a half has been a hard season. It has been a wilderness season to say the least. Before moving to utah, I was involved in ministry, and worship, and was surrounded by such a beautiful group of women and people. In that time we experienced hardship in our marriage. Just months later, We moved to utah being uprooted from everything—every security I felt, and thought was going right in my life-to literally the desert. I experienced every emotion possible. We moved during covid, we weren’t able to go to church for a while, we didn’t have any friends, no family close by-just us and Jesus. I remember saying “oh, I will NEVER homeschool” and Wes saying, “oh, I could NEVER work from home-there is no way it would work with what I do”. Well, you guessed it-With covid and other circumstances I was being led to homeschool, and yep, Wes started working from home. I remember thinking, alright God, you sure do have a sense of humor. Never say never-write that down! But humor aside, God was showing both of us that our ways are not His ways. There were days where I sobbed, and I wept, longing for connection with a church body, feeling isolated and alone. Absolutely, God was with me, but when your in the thick of it-all I could focus on was me and how I was feeling at the time. God was growing us in ways unimaginable, and certainly ways that I didn’t want to be stretched because it was uncomfortable.
Fast forward, churches opened, we tried one , and we tried another, then we bought a house in a new area, and tried another. It was hard after all we had been through, to not compare it to what we had before. What a unhealthy place that can be when we live our lives looking back not leaving room for God to work in the present. Finally, I came to a place where I let it go. I surrendered that to the Lord, realizing that the more I try to control the situation, the less I am trusting God to work all things according to His purpose, His will, and His plans for MY GOOD and HIS GLORY! And hey, what do you know? A few weeks later, He lead us to a church where I couldn’t have hand picked it if I tried. This was the hand of the Lord. It reminded me in many ways of the church we were involved in before we moved. Oh how He wants to give us good things, but to trust Him in this process and let go of MY wants, MY control, and rest was such a lesson. Funny how we always see in hindsight what God was doing-why do you think that is? But, God was still dealing with me, putting His finger on another area. After several weeks of attending, knowing this is where God had led us-My flesh was getting in the way when I saw people in ministry positions that I once was in. I think more so than anything I just missed the connection and involvement. But I knew in my heart I wasn’t supposed to get into ministry/serving right away, because I really just want God to lead me, and not step into a role just because I am familiar with it or want it. (Or have a “title”) So, still struggling with a few things, trying to figure out where I fit in, my purpose, who am I, What does God want me to learn? Then Bible study was soon to start, and the study is on our IDENTITY IN CHRIST. Whew. I just need to gather myself for a moment. 😭 HE KNOWS. I knew-but my flesh!!! I was being fought in even going to the study- with all these things going through my head and He’s gently saying ok Katie, are you ready to give me ALL of you?!? I have stripped you of almost everything you have put your identity in. It’s not your spouse, it’s not your marriage, its not your control, it’s not your kids, your family, your friends, your hobbies, your position in ministry, your home…IT IS ME. WHOLE HEARTEDLY ME. Apart from me you can do nothing! My burden is easy, and my yoke is light!!! Trust ME, walk with ME, Abide with Me. Heck-he even used my kids to speak this into my life-ON A BAD DAY I MIGHT ADD. This journey, this wilderness season has come down to this. Which has been a PROCESS!!! When I am stripped away of everything-what anchors me then? It HAS to be Christ-he is the ONLY firm foundation, and refuge for the poor in spirit, the broken, the lost and the saved. As I was thinking about all this and being stripped away -It reminded me of an old worship song-that I Ioved-but never really understood or full grasped until now when it says “I am coming back to the heart of worship”
In being completely stripped, it is quiet, just me and the Lord, that is when I can offer him something beautiful in the mess of life-Something that will bless his heart-because he has searched deep into mine-I can come back to worship with a humble heart-where it truly is all about Him, and not of the things I WANT TO MAKE it about. Whew. Man is the Lord ever good to love me(and you) so much-to show me(us) these things. 😭❤️🙌 He is shakin that orange tree and trimming those vines!!!! 😜
Sometimes I think that we can get so wrapped up in someone else’s identity, someone else’s spiritual journey, that we forget when we die WE will be judged for the things that WE have done with Gods word. NOT that persons this, or that. We are to teach, and to train, to pray, to love and to speak truth in love ALWAYS. And no this is not always easy-But, we are to let go, and let God be God. (Daily) Yes, I have let things go, AAANND then taken them back because-well it’s just not happening the way I WANT it to go-which totally defeats the purpose of TRUSTING and ABIDING. But his Grace. His mercy. Oh has it met me more times than I deserve.
As I have felt led to share and post this, I feel like it is that last thing the Lord is wanting to rid me of. The looking back and living in the past and all it entails-because what is to come is SO much better, even in a broken world. Friends, you are known, by the ONE who created YOU, YOU are HIS masterpiece-and no matter how hard the season is that you are in-lean into Him. He is there. Trust Him in the process. He is growing you, stretching you, And He is making something beautiful out of YOU. It hurts, I understand-BUT GOD! Maybe your good, and you don’t have these exact struggles-or you struggle with something else-or maybe you have been here and know all to well what I have shared with you. Ask God how He can use you to encourage someone else. He uses our mountain top moments just as much as He uses our valley moments and he will continue to do so. I have been told-when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Maybe you just need to take a step back, find a quiet place, pray and ask God to give you His perspective and His peace in the PROCESS! ❤️❤️💐 hugs!